I’m in love with people from my own imagination. I can’t believe I’ve created these people who think and speak and love for themselves. Maybe this is like having children. Only these children are on paper and I can make them do whatever I want without yelling at them.
When I first started writing my novel with KritikMe I was so pumped. More pumped than I had been in a really long time. I was excited to start a project that had real structure and I already had ideas flowing that I had been keeping locked up inside a box in my head ever since I first had them in my third and final year of uni when I started writing little extracts of this book late one night in Starbucks on The Strand.
These little ideas have followed me around ever since then and now that they’re coming to life for an hour a day I still can’t believe they’re real and I really can’t believe that I never got round to writing them all down sooner. Admittedly, there are days when I don’t feel like writing, or life gets in the way and I go to bed without having written a single word. But I think for a commitmentphobe things could be a lot worse. I could have given up by now, but at this point, I’m married to my novel. There’s no going back. The words are leaking out of every pore, falling onto the keyboard right out of my fingertips until I’m either satisfied or totally pissed off that it’s been three days and I’m still on 10,000, just a slightly different 10,000 than I was on before. One of the emotions I didn’t expect to feel was nervous. I’m actually really nervous that I’m not going to be able
One of the emotions I didn’t expect to feel was nervous. I’m actually really nervous that I’m not going to be able to pull it all together, or that I’m going to miss deadlines, or that when I’ve written 80,000 words I’m going to realise that every single one of them is utter bullshit. I’m unnecessarily worried that something will happen that will stop me from writing, or it’ll be taken away from me, or my imagination will dry up like an old pond. I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So right now I’m only about to hit 14,000 words and it feels like I’ve been writing for a lifetime already when really it’s only been a few weeks. I’m starting to get into my stride a bit more and I’m finding it a lot easier to write, not only the novel but just in general. Creating a world from scratch is a nice distraction from the parts of my own life that I’m maybe not so fond of. All in all, it’s therapy.
I’ll let you know when I have 14,000 more.